Questions for the Woman I Was Last Night -
How far have you walked for men who’ve never held your feet in their laps? How often have you bartered with bone, only to sell yourself short? Why do you find the unavailable so alluring? Where did it begin? What went wrong? And who made you feel so worthless? If they wanted you, wouldn’t they have chosen you? All this time, you were begging for love silently, thinking they couldn’t hear you, but they smelt it on you, you must have known that they could taste the desperate on your skin? And what about the others that would do anything for you, why did you make them love you until you could not stand it? How are you both of these women, both flighty and needful? Where did you learn this, to want what does not want you? Where did you learn this, to leave those that want you to stay?"
It’s harder then people think
Like kidney stones of the throat
Burns and contracts my pathway with every word I try to speak
Because communicating happiness is easy
And anger can be too.
But with those who hold your heart
words can be life changing
Words materialize into pain,anger, tears
So when we vowed to always talk about our problem
I said yes because it’s what I wanted
Virgin to the word
I naively thought it would always be easy
The weight that sat on my shoulders
was not from holding it in but
from trying to force the words out
But you sat there
Listening to everything I threw at you
Not defending objecting or making faces
Simply listening and more than anything
It was acceptance that healed me as I cried into you
Too overwhelmed by the effort this took.
And you too laid and cried into me
You were afraid
that our abode would crumble because of one mistake you’d made.
Speaking and listening are parts of communication
And each is just as throat clenching and chest burning.
Only time and experience will help us get better at it.